Jesus knows my weakness, & He understands

Yesterday did not go as I had planned at all. I planned to do a 12-hr fast with the girls in my long-distance bible study group, I planned to focus on prayer, I planned to focus on God. I went completely from aiming to do that to completely giving in to sin. I let my emotions get in the way, I let the situation that was occurring with me & my boyfriend distract me. And I ended up being a negative witness of what a Christian is to my roommates as a result. The rest of my day, I stopped fasting. I stopped even thinking about God. I was so disappointed in my self, I felt so weak. I felt like I was ruining everything I had been working towards. I just felt tired.

That is why it is so awesome that as I got up to go ahead and have my quiet time with God anyway (because I am learning to not run away from God when I sin, but to run towards him instead), that the passage I am reading in Hebrews chapter 4 & 5 are directly related to Jesus, sin, weakness, and how he gets it all. I am constantly stunned by how when I decide to approach God (even when I feel unworthy), he is gracious & merciful and gives me exactly what I need.

Hebrews 4:14-5:10 (Mssg vs)

14-16Now that we know what we have—Jesus, this great High Priest with ready access to God—let's not let it slip through our fingers. We don't have a priest who is out of touch with our reality. He's been through weakness and testing, experienced it all—all but the sin. So let's walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give. Take the mercy, accept the help.

4-6No one elects himself to this honored position. He's called to it by God, as Aaron was. Neither did Christ presume to set himself up as high priest, but was set apart by the One who said to him, "You're my Son; today I celebrate you!" In another place God declares, "You're a priest forever in the royal order of Melchizedek."

 7-10While he lived on earth, anticipating death, Jesus cried out in pain and wept in sorrow as he offered up priestly prayers to God. Because he honored God, God answered him. Though he was God's Son, he learned trusting-obedience by what he suffered, just as we do. Then, having arrived at the full stature of his maturity and having been announced by God as high priest in the order of Melchizedek, he became the source of eternal salvation to all who believingly obey him.

It is so awesome that Jesus already knows what I am going through. He knows how it feels to be tempted, how it feels to feel weak, and he knows something that I want to experience: how to defeat the temptation, to overcome sin, to NOT give in.

I'm so thankful, that because he understands, he wants to give me grace & mercy. He wants to help me so that I can overcome in the future. I don't have to be stuck in my sin, I don't have to beat myself up and condemn myself. I don't have to be afraid to approach God....

I just had prayer with my spiritual mentor La'Joia, and it was so helpful. I know I am forgiven of my sin and I have a course of action ( my act of repentance). In the past, I have not been really consistent when I tried to do a Purity Fast or Purity Track. But it is something I want to DO all the way through this time.

• My main focus will be using a Purity Point Guide for 31 days (how convenient is it that tomorrow is October 1st?). This guide can be found online at Purity Point. 
• My next step is to do some reading on a Proverbs 31 woman. I want to really study her, because I want to be just like her.
• Read books that help me change my mindset about my sin. The two books on my shelf right now that I think will be helpful are called Strength in Weakness by Andrew Cominsky and True Love in a World of False Hope by Robbie Castleman. I have read the second book before but I need a refresher. The first boo, I have never gotten all the way through... So I want to do that for sure.

The reason I am posting this online is because I want to have some level of accountability. I don't know how many people even look at this blog, but I don't really care. I want to know that out there, someone knows that I have made a Committment to Purity and is watching to see what I do.  Hopefully someone will also be standing by me, praying for me, and maybe even making the same committment.

Until next time, God Bless
~K~

Study of Hebrews 3 (SOAP study)

I recently decided I wanted to read the book of Hebrews. This book talks a lot about Faith and I know that I don't have a whole ton of it.  Romans 10:17 says that Faith comes by hearing the Word of God. So...I'm reading what the Word of God has to say about Faith.

Scripture:
"So watch your step, friends. Make sure there's no evil unbelief lying around that will trip you up and throw you off course, diverting you from the living God. For as long as it's still God's Today, keep each other on your toes so sin doesn't slow down your reflexes. If we can only keep our grip on the sure thing we started out with, we're in this with Christ for the long haul. "- Heb 3:12-14 (Message version)

These verses really stood out to me. God makes a big deal out of our unbelief, our faithlessness. It literally says that our unbelief turns us AWAY from God.  If I am away from God, that means I'm obviously not in right relationship with him, I can't hear from him and get his guidance & direction.

Essentially, I would be completely lost. And that is really scary. I don't want to be lost. I'm one of those people who have a poor sense of direction. I can barely get around my home town. I only know one route to places, if you go another way, I have NO idea where I am at. It's that bad. So for me to be lost spiritually? Oh my gosh, I couldn't even imagine what that would be like. I have no idea how my future is gonna play out, I don't know what decisions would be the right ones for me to make. I can AFFORD to be lost!

Observation:
In this chapter, we get the nitty-gritty of how God feels about us not believing and trusting in him. In the Old Testament, purely because the Israelites refused to believe that God was going to take them to the Promised Land, they were lost in the wilderness for 40 freaking YEARS. Can you imagine being lost for 40 years? Not having any idea where your life is going? Never getting to your destination? Dude, I would LOSE MY MIND. It would NOT be okay at all.

I can't believe they were able to make it 1 year of being lost. But then again, (if I can be really transparent with you guys) when I look back over my life, I think that because of my lack of faith in God's plan for my life relationally (my future spouse)I have been lost since I was 15 years old. That is 8 years.  Do I really want to go another 32 years being lost because I just don't trust God about things? I also have not trusted him about what my future career would be. I knew it would be in the field of accounting, but not what I would be doing. I about lost my mind at the end of last year when I graduated from college with a not high enough GPA and no job prospects. I felt like God's plan just really wasn't working out (even though I had no idea what that was), and I started not trusting him.

But now I'm seeing he has me going in a completely different direction that I was planning to do. He doesn't want me focused on public accounting, but on a non-profit accounting. He wants me working with individuals...which is really where my heart has been all along. God's plan is always the right plan, but if we aren't listening, if we are not trusting and if we have no faith....we miss it.  Wow, I just went into tangent mode, but I really think God is clearing things up for me. He really is building my faith, even in the past 10 minutes of writing this. wow.

So as far as Application & Prayer go.... I am just going to be asking God to increase my faith- by that I mean, as I read his word, that I will fully understand what it means, how it applies to my life, and how God is always in control.

Until next time
~K~

Application:
Prayer:

Pray with me for my Aunt

"Are you sick? Call the church leaders together to pray and anoint you with oil in the name of the Master. Believing-prayer will heal you, and Jesus will put you on your feet. And if you've sinned, you'll be forgiven—healed inside and out.  Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed. The prayer of a person living right with God is something powerful to be reckoned with." -James 5:14-16

At my church, we have classes called "Fullfillment Hour" (which is pretty much a sunday school class). The class I am in is called "The Power & Purpose of Prayer and the Holy Spirit." I have been learning so much about praying with Faith, actually believing what the Word of God says, and believing it will come to past. Friends, my aunt is very ill, but I know what the Word of God says about those who are sick. I know God is a healer and can heal regardless of what a doctor may say. Please lift her up in prayer and align with me on this word in James.

Thank you so much, I am already praising God in advance
~K~

Oh how I have missed blogging!

Sorry I have been MIA for the past...several months. I have been transitioning a lot this summer and moving from place to place, but I am finally settled with a reliable internet source. I should be up and writing again soon, and I am excited to share my testimony of this summer and what I am up to now.

I hope God has blessed your summer & I know he will be blessing this fall.

Talk to you soon!

~Kallista~