"Better is the end of a thing than the beginning of it, and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit." -Ecclesiates 7:8
Almost a year ago next month, I was at a black christian student conference. A woman told me (who is now my mentor) that God was telling me this verse. She said this after God had told me that I wasn't supposed to be with the guy I was with. I have been back in forth over the past year, us breaking up, being together...being disobedient.
Now.... almost a year later. I'm at the same place. And I see what God was trying to tell me before, the heartache he was trying to save me from.
God is so loving. He knew the mistakes I'd make that I would regret. He knew that I wasn't ready for the relationship that I thought I was ready for. He knew I'd hurt him. He knew he'd hurt me. And He wanted to save me from that.
And now he looks at me. And he doesn't tell me , "I told you so," even though he probably should. He just keeps telling me about his grace and mercy. and how much he loves me. and how he will never leave me or forsake me. and how my weeping will only endure for a night & joy will come in the morning....
I love my ex. More than anything....sometimes even more than God. And I know that for us to be happy, we have to be apart. and it sucks so hard. Not knowing what will happen next.
But I don't know the answers anyway. I'm not in control of anything. And like the Word says, "the end of a things is better than its beginning." God must have something amazing in store....
.....i just have to be patient & obedient....
I'm listening now God. I'm listening...
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
I just wanna be like you....
"I just wanna be like you, Walk like, talk like, even think like you The only one I could look to, You’re teaching me to be just like ,Well I just gotta be like, I just gotta be like you" - "Just Like You" - Lecrae (Rehab Album)
What does that even look like? Looking like Jesus? Walking like him, talking like him? THINKING like him? I am good at being able to "walk" a lot of things out. In many areas of my like I can say no to things, walk away from things I don't agree with. Censor my words so I don't say things out of line.
But thinking like Jesus? That's my struggle. That's where the rubber hits the road. Because even if everything on the outside is looking good, looking like it lines up with God...my mind is a mess, a battle ground. There are so many casualties. I'm judging, I'm being angry, I'm cussing people out, I'm having sexual fantasies, I'm recreating all these past events....IN MY MIND.
The Bible says that "out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks" (Matthew 12:34) and I know that eventually that stuff seeps out little by little. And then I wonder, "OMG, why did i say that? Why did I do that?" But it is so simple and clear... because it was in my heart. It was how I felt and what I was thinking.
But what if what was in the abundance of my heart were good, pure, holy things. What if my thought life lined up with Philippians 4:8-9?
"Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies." (message version)
If it did...what would I look like? What would I talk like? How would I walk? How would I act?....
Just like him...Just like Jesus.
~K~
What does that even look like? Looking like Jesus? Walking like him, talking like him? THINKING like him? I am good at being able to "walk" a lot of things out. In many areas of my like I can say no to things, walk away from things I don't agree with. Censor my words so I don't say things out of line.
But thinking like Jesus? That's my struggle. That's where the rubber hits the road. Because even if everything on the outside is looking good, looking like it lines up with God...my mind is a mess, a battle ground. There are so many casualties. I'm judging, I'm being angry, I'm cussing people out, I'm having sexual fantasies, I'm recreating all these past events....IN MY MIND.
The Bible says that "out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks" (Matthew 12:34) and I know that eventually that stuff seeps out little by little. And then I wonder, "OMG, why did i say that? Why did I do that?" But it is so simple and clear... because it was in my heart. It was how I felt and what I was thinking.
But what if what was in the abundance of my heart were good, pure, holy things. What if my thought life lined up with Philippians 4:8-9?
"Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies." (message version)
If it did...what would I look like? What would I talk like? How would I walk? How would I act?....
Just like him...Just like Jesus.
~K~
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Jesus knows my weakness, & He understands
Yesterday did not go as I had planned at all. I planned to do a 12-hr fast with the girls in my long-distance bible study group, I planned to focus on prayer, I planned to focus on God. I went completely from aiming to do that to completely giving in to sin. I let my emotions get in the way, I let the situation that was occurring with me & my boyfriend distract me. And I ended up being a negative witness of what a Christian is to my roommates as a result. The rest of my day, I stopped fasting. I stopped even thinking about God. I was so disappointed in my self, I felt so weak. I felt like I was ruining everything I had been working towards. I just felt tired.
That is why it is so awesome that as I got up to go ahead and have my quiet time with God anyway (because I am learning to not run away from God when I sin, but to run towards him instead), that the passage I am reading in Hebrews chapter 4 & 5 are directly related to Jesus, sin, weakness, and how he gets it all. I am constantly stunned by how when I decide to approach God (even when I feel unworthy), he is gracious & merciful and gives me exactly what I need.
It is so awesome that Jesus already knows what I am going through. He knows how it feels to be tempted, how it feels to feel weak, and he knows something that I want to experience: how to defeat the temptation, to overcome sin, to NOT give in.
I'm so thankful, that because he understands, he wants to give me grace & mercy. He wants to help me so that I can overcome in the future. I don't have to be stuck in my sin, I don't have to beat myself up and condemn myself. I don't have to be afraid to approach God....
I just had prayer with my spiritual mentor La'Joia, and it was so helpful. I know I am forgiven of my sin and I have a course of action ( my act of repentance). In the past, I have not been really consistent when I tried to do a Purity Fast or Purity Track. But it is something I want to DO all the way through this time.
Until next time, God Bless
~K~
That is why it is so awesome that as I got up to go ahead and have my quiet time with God anyway (because I am learning to not run away from God when I sin, but to run towards him instead), that the passage I am reading in Hebrews chapter 4 & 5 are directly related to Jesus, sin, weakness, and how he gets it all. I am constantly stunned by how when I decide to approach God (even when I feel unworthy), he is gracious & merciful and gives me exactly what I need.
Hebrews 4:14-5:10 (Mssg vs)
14-16Now that we know what we have—Jesus, this great High Priest with ready access to God—let's not let it slip through our fingers. We don't have a priest who is out of touch with our reality. He's been through weakness and testing, experienced it all—all but the sin. So let's walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give. Take the mercy, accept the help.
4-6No one elects himself to this honored position. He's called to it by God, as Aaron was. Neither did Christ presume to set himself up as high priest, but was set apart by the One who said to him, "You're my Son; today I celebrate you!" In another place God declares, "You're a priest forever in the royal order of Melchizedek."
7-10While he lived on earth, anticipating death, Jesus cried out in pain and wept in sorrow as he offered up priestly prayers to God. Because he honored God, God answered him. Though he was God's Son, he learned trusting-obedience by what he suffered, just as we do. Then, having arrived at the full stature of his maturity and having been announced by God as high priest in the order of Melchizedek, he became the source of eternal salvation to all who believingly obey him.
4-6No one elects himself to this honored position. He's called to it by God, as Aaron was. Neither did Christ presume to set himself up as high priest, but was set apart by the One who said to him, "You're my Son; today I celebrate you!" In another place God declares, "You're a priest forever in the royal order of Melchizedek."
7-10While he lived on earth, anticipating death, Jesus cried out in pain and wept in sorrow as he offered up priestly prayers to God. Because he honored God, God answered him. Though he was God's Son, he learned trusting-obedience by what he suffered, just as we do. Then, having arrived at the full stature of his maturity and having been announced by God as high priest in the order of Melchizedek, he became the source of eternal salvation to all who believingly obey him.
It is so awesome that Jesus already knows what I am going through. He knows how it feels to be tempted, how it feels to feel weak, and he knows something that I want to experience: how to defeat the temptation, to overcome sin, to NOT give in.
I'm so thankful, that because he understands, he wants to give me grace & mercy. He wants to help me so that I can overcome in the future. I don't have to be stuck in my sin, I don't have to beat myself up and condemn myself. I don't have to be afraid to approach God....
I just had prayer with my spiritual mentor La'Joia, and it was so helpful. I know I am forgiven of my sin and I have a course of action ( my act of repentance). In the past, I have not been really consistent when I tried to do a Purity Fast or Purity Track. But it is something I want to DO all the way through this time.
- My main focus will be using a Purity Point Guide for 31 days (how convenient is it that tomorrow is October 1st?). This guide can be found online at Purity Point.
- My next step is to do some reading on a Proverbs 31 woman. I want to really study her, because I want to be just like her.
- Read books that help me change my mindset about my sin. The two books on my shelf right now that I think will be helpful are called Strength in Weakness by Andrew Cominsky and True Love in a World of False Hope by Robbie Castleman. I have read the second book before but I need a refresher. The first boo, I have never gotten all the way through... So I want to do that for sure.
Until next time, God Bless
~K~
Monday, September 27, 2010
Study of Hebrews 3 (SOAP study)
I recently decided I wanted to read the book of Hebrews. This book talks a lot about Faith and I know that I don't have a whole ton of it. Romans 10:17 says that Faith comes by hearing the Word of God. So...I'm reading what the Word of God has to say about Faith.
Scripture:
"So watch your step, friends. Make sure there's no evil unbelief lying around that will trip you up and throw you off course, diverting you from the living God. For as long as it's still God's Today, keep each other on your toes so sin doesn't slow down your reflexes. If we can only keep our grip on the sure thing we started out with, we're in this with Christ for the long haul. "- Heb 3:12-14 (Message version)
These verses really stood out to me. God makes a big deal out of our unbelief, our faithlessness. It literally says that our unbelief turns us AWAY from God. If I am away from God, that means I'm obviously not in right relationship with him, I can't hear from him and get his guidance & direction.
Essentially, I would be completely lost. And that is really scary. I don't want to be lost. I'm one of those people who have a poor sense of direction. I can barely get around my home town. I only know one route to places, if you go another way, I have NO idea where I am at. It's that bad. So for me to be lost spiritually? Oh my gosh, I couldn't even imagine what that would be like. I have no idea how my future is gonna play out, I don't know what decisions would be the right ones for me to make. I can AFFORD to be lost!
Observation:
In this chapter, we get the nitty-gritty of how God feels about us not believing and trusting in him. In the Old Testament, purely because the Israelites refused to believe that God was going to take them to the Promised Land, they were lost in the wilderness for 40 freaking YEARS. Can you imagine being lost for 40 years? Not having any idea where your life is going? Never getting to your destination? Dude, I would LOSE MY MIND. It would NOT be okay at all.
I can't believe they were able to make it 1 year of being lost. But then again, (if I can be really transparent with you guys) when I look back over my life, I think that because of my lack of faith in God's plan for my life relationally (my future spouse)I have been lost since I was 15 years old. That is 8 years. Do I really want to go another 32 years being lost because I just don't trust God about things? I also have not trusted him about what my future career would be. I knew it would be in the field of accounting, but not what I would be doing. I about lost my mind at the end of last year when I graduated from college with a not high enough GPA and no job prospects. I felt like God's plan just really wasn't working out (even though I had no idea what that was), and I started not trusting him.
But now I'm seeing he has me going in a completely different direction that I was planning to do. He doesn't want me focused on public accounting, but on a non-profit accounting. He wants me working with individuals...which is really where my heart has been all along. God's plan is always the right plan, but if we aren't listening, if we are not trusting and if we have no faith....we miss it. Wow, I just went into tangent mode, but I really think God is clearing things up for me. He really is building my faith, even in the past 10 minutes of writing this. wow.
So as far as Application & Prayer go.... I am just going to be asking God to increase my faith- by that I mean, as I read his word, that I will fully understand what it means, how it applies to my life, and how God is always in control.
Until next time
~K~
Application:
Prayer:
Scripture:
"So watch your step, friends. Make sure there's no evil unbelief lying around that will trip you up and throw you off course, diverting you from the living God. For as long as it's still God's Today, keep each other on your toes so sin doesn't slow down your reflexes. If we can only keep our grip on the sure thing we started out with, we're in this with Christ for the long haul. "- Heb 3:12-14 (Message version)
These verses really stood out to me. God makes a big deal out of our unbelief, our faithlessness. It literally says that our unbelief turns us AWAY from God. If I am away from God, that means I'm obviously not in right relationship with him, I can't hear from him and get his guidance & direction.
Essentially, I would be completely lost. And that is really scary. I don't want to be lost. I'm one of those people who have a poor sense of direction. I can barely get around my home town. I only know one route to places, if you go another way, I have NO idea where I am at. It's that bad. So for me to be lost spiritually? Oh my gosh, I couldn't even imagine what that would be like. I have no idea how my future is gonna play out, I don't know what decisions would be the right ones for me to make. I can AFFORD to be lost!
Observation:
In this chapter, we get the nitty-gritty of how God feels about us not believing and trusting in him. In the Old Testament, purely because the Israelites refused to believe that God was going to take them to the Promised Land, they were lost in the wilderness for 40 freaking YEARS. Can you imagine being lost for 40 years? Not having any idea where your life is going? Never getting to your destination? Dude, I would LOSE MY MIND. It would NOT be okay at all.
I can't believe they were able to make it 1 year of being lost. But then again, (if I can be really transparent with you guys) when I look back over my life, I think that because of my lack of faith in God's plan for my life relationally (my future spouse)I have been lost since I was 15 years old. That is 8 years. Do I really want to go another 32 years being lost because I just don't trust God about things? I also have not trusted him about what my future career would be. I knew it would be in the field of accounting, but not what I would be doing. I about lost my mind at the end of last year when I graduated from college with a not high enough GPA and no job prospects. I felt like God's plan just really wasn't working out (even though I had no idea what that was), and I started not trusting him.
But now I'm seeing he has me going in a completely different direction that I was planning to do. He doesn't want me focused on public accounting, but on a non-profit accounting. He wants me working with individuals...which is really where my heart has been all along. God's plan is always the right plan, but if we aren't listening, if we are not trusting and if we have no faith....we miss it. Wow, I just went into tangent mode, but I really think God is clearing things up for me. He really is building my faith, even in the past 10 minutes of writing this. wow.
So as far as Application & Prayer go.... I am just going to be asking God to increase my faith- by that I mean, as I read his word, that I will fully understand what it means, how it applies to my life, and how God is always in control.
Until next time
~K~
Application:
Prayer:
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Pray with me for my Aunt
"Are you sick? Call the church leaders together to pray and anoint you with oil in the name of the Master. Believing-prayer will heal you, and Jesus will put you on your feet. And if you've sinned, you'll be forgiven—healed inside and out. Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed. The prayer of a person living right with God is something powerful to be reckoned with." -James 5:14-16
At my church, we have classes called "Fullfillment Hour" (which is pretty much a sunday school class). The class I am in is called "The Power & Purpose of Prayer and the Holy Spirit." I have been learning so much about praying with Faith, actually believing what the Word of God says, and believing it will come to past. Friends, my aunt is very ill, but I know what the Word of God says about those who are sick. I know God is a healer and can heal regardless of what a doctor may say. Please lift her up in prayer and align with me on this word in James.
Thank you so much, I am already praising God in advance
~K~
At my church, we have classes called "Fullfillment Hour" (which is pretty much a sunday school class). The class I am in is called "The Power & Purpose of Prayer and the Holy Spirit." I have been learning so much about praying with Faith, actually believing what the Word of God says, and believing it will come to past. Friends, my aunt is very ill, but I know what the Word of God says about those who are sick. I know God is a healer and can heal regardless of what a doctor may say. Please lift her up in prayer and align with me on this word in James.
Thank you so much, I am already praising God in advance
~K~
Monday, September 20, 2010
Oh how I have missed blogging!
Sorry I have been MIA for the past...several months. I have been transitioning a lot this summer and moving from place to place, but I am finally settled with a reliable internet source. I should be up and writing again soon, and I am excited to share my testimony of this summer and what I am up to now.
I hope God has blessed your summer & I know he will be blessing this fall.
Talk to you soon!
~Kallista~
I hope God has blessed your summer & I know he will be blessing this fall.
Talk to you soon!
~Kallista~
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
SOAP Entry 4: Acts 26
Acts 26: Paul tells his life story to a king
Scripture: (verse 4-6)
"The Jews all know the way I have lived ever since I was a child, from the beginning of my life in my own country, and also in Jerusalem. They have known me for a long time and can testify, if they are willing, that according to the strictest sect of our religion, I lived as a Pharisee. And now it is because of my hope in what God has promised our fathers that I am on trial today."
Observation:
Do you realize how crazy all this is? In this passage, Paul was taken as prisoner and had to defend his case before a King. Not just a judge and jury, but THE KING. If I was in his position, I know that I would be terrified. Kings had so much power, they could kill you if they wanted to, they had the final say. But Paul boldly told his life story to this King. He spoke of who he used to be, and who he was now. He wasn't even afraid! He honestly believed the truth he spoke and that event the King would believe that Jesus was the Messiah. Nothing he spoke could be argued against, because it is the truth.
I think that it is so awesome that Paul could tell his testimony before someone who had so much influence. Can you imagine? If the King came to Christ, he could even decree in his lands that no one could be persecuted for being a Christian! He could tear down all idols! He could order true worship in the synagogues (churches)! Paul was in such a great position to share his story.
Application:
I am trying to think of the last time I really shared my testimony with someone. When was the last time that I really shared what Christ has done in my life? I know it has probably been awhile for many reasons: because I have been extremely disobedient to God and didn't want to be seen as a hypocrite, because I didn't think my story had value. But, it does have value. Any testimony of what God has done has value and could influence someones life towards Christ. But I have been hiding that, hiding JESUS, from people because I don't want to "look bad." Because I have been ashamed.
The only way to apply what I have read is to actually share my testimony with someone. To be honest and truthful about what my life has been like: my mistakes, what I have overcome, what I still struggle with. Because at the end of the day, God's truth will be shown to them, even if I am a messed up person. (Don't get me wrong, that does not mean that I should not change areas of my life that do not line up with God's Word. I definitely need to live a life that lines up! I am just saying that I should not let fear and pride keep me from sharing the Gospel, and how it has impacted me.)
Prayer:
Father, I just pray for boldness. Not only in sharing the Gospel and my testimony, but in making a radical life change so that my life lines up with who you desire me to be. Your word says (in 2 Timothy 1:7, amplified version) "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control." I know that means that through your spirit Lord, I have the power to have self-control over my actions. That I don't have to do what pleases myself, but I can choose to please you. That I can share my story with love and be calm (instead of afraid) of sharing it. I pray for these things in Jesus name. Amen.
Monday, July 19, 2010
SOAP Entry 3: Acts 17
Acts 17: Scenes from Paul's Missionary Journey
Scripture: Verses 16-18 (The Message Version)
Scripture: "The longer Paul waited in Athens for Silas and Timothy, the angrier he got—all those idols! The city was a junkyard of idols. He discussed it with the Jews and other like-minded people at their meeting place. And every day he went out on the streets and talked with anyone who happened along. He got to know some of the Epicurean and Stoic intellectuals pretty well through these conversations. Some of them dismissed him with sarcasm: "What an airhead!" But others, listening to him go on about Jesus and the resurrection, were intrigued: "That's a new slant on the gods. Tell us more."
Observation: The more I read about Paul, the more I want to get on his level. Seriously, this guy was no joke. He went from city to city knocking out anything that was not the Truth about Jesus, and explaining it so clearly that everyone could understand. Everywhere he went he was talking about Jesus.
Application: Now, I don't travel to a whole bunch of towns, so it is not exactly feasible that I can go and share the Truth about Jesus, the Gospel, to every city I come across. But I look at my life and see that there are so many opportunities for me to share Christ everywhere I go. When I go to the store, catch the bus, go to the library, go to campus...every place I go to gives me the opportunity to share. But I never look at it as an opportunity. I'm always so quick to get in and get out, run my errands and be done with it. (Like I have something way more important to do *yeah right*)
Last Thursday I went with my friend Nikki and an on-campus ministry to go do "Contact Evangelism" downtown. I've never done evangelism in this way: just randomly walking down the street, asking people questions about their beliefs in God. It wasn't nearly as nerve wreaking as I expected. Honestly, I had planned to just go watch and learn from the group, because I didn't feel like I knew what to say. But somewhere in there, God used me to talk to a guy who had a similar spiritual background as me. He grew up in the Church, was very involved, but once he came to college he wasn't sure what his relationship with Jesus was supposed to be like, or if he even had one. He lost that community feel from his home-church and kinda just fell of the church scene. I was totally able to relate and through talking to him he was actually interested in coming to church and bible study again.
It's so crazy, it was so simple. Just ask people what they think about God/Jesus, and let the conversation roll from there. If no one wants to talk about it, you just keep it moving. The rejection wasn't even all that bad. I wanted to do that again, and now after reading this passage, I am challenged to do it. There are so many who don't know about Jesus. Who have no clue about who he is. And I could be the one who plants the seed, who gets them thinking about if Jesus should be a part of their life. Hopefully we will be doing that again this week. But if we don't, hey, I guess I can do it all on my own!
Prayer:
My prayer is that I will have a heart that desire to share the Gospel. That my hunger and thirst for God's Word will be insatiable- that I will always want and need more. That through my growth in my relationship with Jesus, and my experiences with His love will prompt me to want to share that experience with others.
Scripture: Verses 16-18 (The Message Version)
Scripture: "The longer Paul waited in Athens for Silas and Timothy, the angrier he got—all those idols! The city was a junkyard of idols. He discussed it with the Jews and other like-minded people at their meeting place. And every day he went out on the streets and talked with anyone who happened along. He got to know some of the Epicurean and Stoic intellectuals pretty well through these conversations. Some of them dismissed him with sarcasm: "What an airhead!" But others, listening to him go on about Jesus and the resurrection, were intrigued: "That's a new slant on the gods. Tell us more."
Observation: The more I read about Paul, the more I want to get on his level. Seriously, this guy was no joke. He went from city to city knocking out anything that was not the Truth about Jesus, and explaining it so clearly that everyone could understand. Everywhere he went he was talking about Jesus.
Application: Now, I don't travel to a whole bunch of towns, so it is not exactly feasible that I can go and share the Truth about Jesus, the Gospel, to every city I come across. But I look at my life and see that there are so many opportunities for me to share Christ everywhere I go. When I go to the store, catch the bus, go to the library, go to campus...every place I go to gives me the opportunity to share. But I never look at it as an opportunity. I'm always so quick to get in and get out, run my errands and be done with it. (Like I have something way more important to do *yeah right*)
Last Thursday I went with my friend Nikki and an on-campus ministry to go do "Contact Evangelism" downtown. I've never done evangelism in this way: just randomly walking down the street, asking people questions about their beliefs in God. It wasn't nearly as nerve wreaking as I expected. Honestly, I had planned to just go watch and learn from the group, because I didn't feel like I knew what to say. But somewhere in there, God used me to talk to a guy who had a similar spiritual background as me. He grew up in the Church, was very involved, but once he came to college he wasn't sure what his relationship with Jesus was supposed to be like, or if he even had one. He lost that community feel from his home-church and kinda just fell of the church scene. I was totally able to relate and through talking to him he was actually interested in coming to church and bible study again.
It's so crazy, it was so simple. Just ask people what they think about God/Jesus, and let the conversation roll from there. If no one wants to talk about it, you just keep it moving. The rejection wasn't even all that bad. I wanted to do that again, and now after reading this passage, I am challenged to do it. There are so many who don't know about Jesus. Who have no clue about who he is. And I could be the one who plants the seed, who gets them thinking about if Jesus should be a part of their life. Hopefully we will be doing that again this week. But if we don't, hey, I guess I can do it all on my own!
Prayer:
My prayer is that I will have a heart that desire to share the Gospel. That my hunger and thirst for God's Word will be insatiable- that I will always want and need more. That through my growth in my relationship with Jesus, and my experiences with His love will prompt me to want to share that experience with others.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
It's funny how...
It's funny how just when you start getting a break through, you get distracted by other things in life. I jus glanced at my last post & realized how the past week has not followed the flow of what I gained at that service. That I went back to how things were before I heard what I did.
I also noticed how I was barely 2 days into studying the Life of Paul before I fell off the wagon. But I'm going to get back on it. I know that my lack of time with God is what allows me to be easily swayed and distracted.
That being said, I intend to get back to my study ASAP (hopefully posting tomorrow morning).
Toodles,
~K~
I also noticed how I was barely 2 days into studying the Life of Paul before I fell off the wagon. But I'm going to get back on it. I know that my lack of time with God is what allows me to be easily swayed and distracted.
That being said, I intend to get back to my study ASAP (hopefully posting tomorrow morning).
Toodles,
~K~
Monday, July 5, 2010
Somethings about to give...
The service at church yesterday was phenomenal. I mean, it usually is, don't get me wrong, but it was amazing in so many ways.
It was like God was looking into my heart and answering questions I had not yet asked. This was the 2nd time in the past year that someone I completely didn't know spoke life into me. It was first Sunday, which at our church is Baptism Sunday. My best friend Nikki was getting baptized, and we were all excited about it. After the baptisms, our church went into full praise and worship mode. You could just feel God's presence there and I started praying. The scripture reading for the day had been in Psalms 107. So I started reading further and was struck by what I read:
(vs 8-15) Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men,for he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things.Some sat in darkness and the deepest gloom, prisoners suffering in iron chains,for they had rebelled against the words of God and despised the counsel of the Most High.So he subjected them to bitter labor;they stumbled, and there was no one to help.Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble,and he saved them from their distress.He brought them out of darkness and the deepest gloom and broke away their chains.Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men...
I could see myself all in this passage. I was that person who had rebelled against God's Word, and didn't want to hear anything he was trying to tell them. I was that person who was stumbling and couldn't find help anywhere. And then suddenly, here I am calling out to God for help, and he swooped down to save me. I'm praying and crying and the woman next to me just starts praying for me and speaking to me. I won't repeat everything that she told me (because a- I don't remember everything & b- something things I'm not ready to share) but essentially, she was telling me how much God loved me. How much He just wanted me to trust Him so He could work in my life. How he had great plans for my life that I wouldn't be able to even understand.
Her words echoed the words that a lady spoke to me at a conference last fall. I knew that it was no coincidence, and that God was really speaking to me through this lady. I've been so scared to trust God, not sure of what His plans for me would be, not sure if I'd be able to step up to the plate and do what He wanted. Scared that I would mess up more than I'd succeed. Scared that my messed up life would overpower anything I had to say about God. But even after the past year of disobedience and me being a mess- God was still telling me He wanted to use me. And that I didn't have to do anything to "fix" my life except trust Him.
Right now, I'm looking at my life with a clean slate. Much like the Life of Paul that I have been reading. I messed up like he did- but God is calling me like He called Paul (I am in no way saying I'm at the same level as Paul- please don't get it twisted, I'm just saying I was a hot mess like Paul.) Paul didn't try to fix up what he did wrong in the past. He just moved forward in the new life God gave him immediately. And that has been my problem, not moving into what God tells me immediately. I just kept living life as I had been doing, not making any type of radical change. And of course, I ended up in the same state as I was before.
But this time, I want things to be different. I plan to be a new person. I don't care about who I was, or how I messed up my witness by all the sin in my life. I am not the same person anymore, and I'm going to prove it.
All I can ask is for you to pray for me, that I will be comprehend God's "unfailing Love" and see the work He has planned for my life. And that I will grow in my lifestyle of Trusting Him.
~Kallista~
It was like God was looking into my heart and answering questions I had not yet asked. This was the 2nd time in the past year that someone I completely didn't know spoke life into me. It was first Sunday, which at our church is Baptism Sunday. My best friend Nikki was getting baptized, and we were all excited about it. After the baptisms, our church went into full praise and worship mode. You could just feel God's presence there and I started praying. The scripture reading for the day had been in Psalms 107. So I started reading further and was struck by what I read:
(vs 8-15) Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men,for he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things.Some sat in darkness and the deepest gloom, prisoners suffering in iron chains,for they had rebelled against the words of God and despised the counsel of the Most High.So he subjected them to bitter labor;they stumbled, and there was no one to help.Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble,and he saved them from their distress.He brought them out of darkness and the deepest gloom and broke away their chains.Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men...
I could see myself all in this passage. I was that person who had rebelled against God's Word, and didn't want to hear anything he was trying to tell them. I was that person who was stumbling and couldn't find help anywhere. And then suddenly, here I am calling out to God for help, and he swooped down to save me. I'm praying and crying and the woman next to me just starts praying for me and speaking to me. I won't repeat everything that she told me (because a- I don't remember everything & b- something things I'm not ready to share) but essentially, she was telling me how much God loved me. How much He just wanted me to trust Him so He could work in my life. How he had great plans for my life that I wouldn't be able to even understand.
Her words echoed the words that a lady spoke to me at a conference last fall. I knew that it was no coincidence, and that God was really speaking to me through this lady. I've been so scared to trust God, not sure of what His plans for me would be, not sure if I'd be able to step up to the plate and do what He wanted. Scared that I would mess up more than I'd succeed. Scared that my messed up life would overpower anything I had to say about God. But even after the past year of disobedience and me being a mess- God was still telling me He wanted to use me. And that I didn't have to do anything to "fix" my life except trust Him.
Right now, I'm looking at my life with a clean slate. Much like the Life of Paul that I have been reading. I messed up like he did- but God is calling me like He called Paul (I am in no way saying I'm at the same level as Paul- please don't get it twisted, I'm just saying I was a hot mess like Paul.) Paul didn't try to fix up what he did wrong in the past. He just moved forward in the new life God gave him immediately. And that has been my problem, not moving into what God tells me immediately. I just kept living life as I had been doing, not making any type of radical change. And of course, I ended up in the same state as I was before.
But this time, I want things to be different. I plan to be a new person. I don't care about who I was, or how I messed up my witness by all the sin in my life. I am not the same person anymore, and I'm going to prove it.
All I can ask is for you to pray for me, that I will be comprehend God's "unfailing Love" and see the work He has planned for my life. And that I will grow in my lifestyle of Trusting Him.
~Kallista~
Friday, July 2, 2010
SOAP Entry Day 2: Acts 16
SOAP Journal Entry 2
Acts 16: Paul's Macedonian Call and Jail Break
Scripture:
I had a hard time choosing which part of the passage stood out the most to me. I narrowed it down two parts of the story: Acts 16:14-15 and Acts 16:30-34.
Act 16:14-15 "One of those listening was a woman named Lydia, a dealer in purple cloth from the city of Thyatira, who was a worshiper of God. The Lord opened her heart to respond to Paul's message. When she and the members of her household were baptized, she invited us to her home. "If you consider me a believer in the Lord," she said, "come and stay at my house." And she persuaded us."
Acts 16:30-34 "He then brought them out and asked, "Sirs, what must I do to be saved?" They replied, "Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved—you and your household." Then they spoke the word of the Lord to him and to all the others in his house. At that hour of the night the jailer took them and washed their wounds; then immediately he and all his family were baptized. The jailer brought them into his house and set a meal before them; he was filled with joy because he had come to believe in God—he and his whole family.
In both these parts, they talk about someone in their whole family believing in Jesus, being saved, and being baptized.
Observation:
I was just given an awesome reminder of how simple salvation is. Really, it is just "Believing in the Lord Jesus." That statement is so intense. Believing in the Jesus is recognizing him for who He is: The Son of God, the Lord (Master) of our lives, that He truly did die on the cross for our sins and was resurrected to life. But what is awesome is, that it doesn't have to take forever to believe, you can hear the truth and accept it. With the story of Lydia and the story of the Jailer, they both believed what they heard for Paul and were baptized. They didn't have to wait to get their lives together, they didn't have to give up something, they just had to believe.
Application:
Honestly, i had to take a step back. The word "Lord" was used 3 times in this passage, and most of the time I don't take time to think of what being Lord really means. Lord: a person who has authority, control, or power over others; a master, chief, or ruler. I'm quite sure I don't always treat Jesus like he is truly the Lord of my life. I accept him as my savior, but not as my Lord.
The best way I can think to apply this scripture is to look at Jesus as the Ruler of my life. To place him in the place of the authority that he should be holding, instead of me trying to be the one in control all the time.
Prayer:
Father, I struggle so much with allowing you to be the Lord of my life. But from your Word I can see that being a follower of Christ means letting Him be in charge of my life in its entirety. I pray that you will teach me to be humble, obedient, patient and disciplined. . I pray for reminders daily that I am not in control but that you are. This is a hard prayer to pray because I know it won't be easy and that you are a God who will follow through. But I am excited to see how you will give me more opportunities to trust you, and seek peace in you. I thank you and praise you in Jesus name I pray, Amen.
Acts 16: Paul's Macedonian Call and Jail Break
Scripture:
I had a hard time choosing which part of the passage stood out the most to me. I narrowed it down two parts of the story: Acts 16:14-15 and Acts 16:30-34.
Act 16:14-15 "One of those listening was a woman named Lydia, a dealer in purple cloth from the city of Thyatira, who was a worshiper of God. The Lord opened her heart to respond to Paul's message. When she and the members of her household were baptized, she invited us to her home. "If you consider me a believer in the Lord," she said, "come and stay at my house." And she persuaded us."
Acts 16:30-34 "He then brought them out and asked, "Sirs, what must I do to be saved?" They replied, "Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved—you and your household." Then they spoke the word of the Lord to him and to all the others in his house. At that hour of the night the jailer took them and washed their wounds; then immediately he and all his family were baptized. The jailer brought them into his house and set a meal before them; he was filled with joy because he had come to believe in God—he and his whole family.
In both these parts, they talk about someone in their whole family believing in Jesus, being saved, and being baptized.
Observation:
I was just given an awesome reminder of how simple salvation is. Really, it is just "Believing in the Lord Jesus." That statement is so intense. Believing in the Jesus is recognizing him for who He is: The Son of God, the Lord (Master) of our lives, that He truly did die on the cross for our sins and was resurrected to life. But what is awesome is, that it doesn't have to take forever to believe, you can hear the truth and accept it. With the story of Lydia and the story of the Jailer, they both believed what they heard for Paul and were baptized. They didn't have to wait to get their lives together, they didn't have to give up something, they just had to believe.
Application:
Honestly, i had to take a step back. The word "Lord" was used 3 times in this passage, and most of the time I don't take time to think of what being Lord really means. Lord: a person who has authority, control, or power over others; a master, chief, or ruler. I'm quite sure I don't always treat Jesus like he is truly the Lord of my life. I accept him as my savior, but not as my Lord.
The best way I can think to apply this scripture is to look at Jesus as the Ruler of my life. To place him in the place of the authority that he should be holding, instead of me trying to be the one in control all the time.
Prayer:
Father, I struggle so much with allowing you to be the Lord of my life. But from your Word I can see that being a follower of Christ means letting Him be in charge of my life in its entirety. I pray that you will teach me to be humble, obedient, patient and disciplined. . I pray for reminders daily that I am not in control but that you are. This is a hard prayer to pray because I know it won't be easy and that you are a God who will follow through. But I am excited to see how you will give me more opportunities to trust you, and seek peace in you. I thank you and praise you in Jesus name I pray, Amen.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Soap Entry 1: Acts 9
SOAP Journal Entry 1
Acts 9- The Conversion of Saul
Scripture: Verse 13-16
"Lord," Ananias answered, "I have heard many reports about this man and all the harm he has done to your saints in Jerusalem. And he has come here with authority from the chief priests to arrest all who call on your name." But the Lord said to Ananias, "Go! This man is my chosen instrument to carry my name before the Gentiles and their kings and before the people of Israel. I will show him how much he must suffer for my name."
Observation:
I have read the story of Saul/Paul so many times since I was little, but never has this story felt like it applied to me. But as I am reading about Saul, and how he was someone who did things completely against God, I am hit by how God still wanted to use him. In many ways I am not like Saul. I did not persecute Christians. And I have definitely never killed any Christians.
But I have, especially lately, given Christians a bad name. I have walked under the title of Christian, but my lifestyle has been everything but. I have done things I am ashamed of and I know these things are not an example of what a person who is following Christ Jesus would do. So in that way, I am just like Saul. I did things that were completely against Christ. But still, for some reason I know I will never completely understand, God still wants to know me and even use me.
I also feel like I can relate to Ananias. I have heard God telling me to do things many times, and just did not want to follow it. Thinking it was not the right plan for my life. And during those occasions, I did not obey what God told me to do. But I don't want to be like that. I want to follow in Ananias' example and hear God's voice AND obey what he tells me to do.
Application:
Saul gave me a very real example of someone repenting. He made a complete 180 degree turn in his life. He turned from being against Christians to being a Christian. He went from hating Christ to loving Christ. I feel I can do that too. I can turn from my lifestyle of pleasing myself and doing what I want to truly loving and following God in every aspect of my life. Right now my biggest struggles are in my relationships and dealing with my future (as far as what my career should be, especially if it is not what I planned).
Prayer:
Father, I just really thank you for not letting me read this passage again for the millionth time and not getting anything out of it. I thank you for helping me to see myself in Saul: my sinful, disobedient self and seeing how just like Saul, I can make a complete turn around and even be someone who does great things in your name. I pray that you will teach me to love you unconditionally. That you will help to get to know you on a real and intimate level. And I pray for you to show me any other areas of my life where I am putting myself before you, so that I can make the necessary changes.
In Jesus name I pray, Amen.
~Kallista~
Acts 9- The Conversion of Saul
Scripture: Verse 13-16
"Lord," Ananias answered, "I have heard many reports about this man and all the harm he has done to your saints in Jerusalem. And he has come here with authority from the chief priests to arrest all who call on your name." But the Lord said to Ananias, "Go! This man is my chosen instrument to carry my name before the Gentiles and their kings and before the people of Israel. I will show him how much he must suffer for my name."
Observation:
I have read the story of Saul/Paul so many times since I was little, but never has this story felt like it applied to me. But as I am reading about Saul, and how he was someone who did things completely against God, I am hit by how God still wanted to use him. In many ways I am not like Saul. I did not persecute Christians. And I have definitely never killed any Christians.
But I have, especially lately, given Christians a bad name. I have walked under the title of Christian, but my lifestyle has been everything but. I have done things I am ashamed of and I know these things are not an example of what a person who is following Christ Jesus would do. So in that way, I am just like Saul. I did things that were completely against Christ. But still, for some reason I know I will never completely understand, God still wants to know me and even use me.
I also feel like I can relate to Ananias. I have heard God telling me to do things many times, and just did not want to follow it. Thinking it was not the right plan for my life. And during those occasions, I did not obey what God told me to do. But I don't want to be like that. I want to follow in Ananias' example and hear God's voice AND obey what he tells me to do.
Application:
Saul gave me a very real example of someone repenting. He made a complete 180 degree turn in his life. He turned from being against Christians to being a Christian. He went from hating Christ to loving Christ. I feel I can do that too. I can turn from my lifestyle of pleasing myself and doing what I want to truly loving and following God in every aspect of my life. Right now my biggest struggles are in my relationships and dealing with my future (as far as what my career should be, especially if it is not what I planned).
Prayer:
Father, I just really thank you for not letting me read this passage again for the millionth time and not getting anything out of it. I thank you for helping me to see myself in Saul: my sinful, disobedient self and seeing how just like Saul, I can make a complete turn around and even be someone who does great things in your name. I pray that you will teach me to love you unconditionally. That you will help to get to know you on a real and intimate level. And I pray for you to show me any other areas of my life where I am putting myself before you, so that I can make the necessary changes.
In Jesus name I pray, Amen.
~Kallista~
Two Weeks on the Life & Teaching of Paul
I was looking at some Bible study guides online, and I found some really great ones online. The one I'm planning to start is "Two Weeks on the Life & Teachings of Paul." My personal Bible study has seriously been lacking as of late, so I think that writing about what I read will also be helpful as far as me reflecting on what I've read. I plan on using the S.O.A.P Devotional Journal Model to do this.
The SOAP model is:
Scripture: write out a verse for the day's reading that stands out to you
Observation: write down your observations about what the passage is saying
Application: write down how you can apply this passage to your life
Prayer: Pray for Gods help to apply the passage to your life
Anywho, here is the reading plan I plan to follow & you can follow along with me if you want :)
Day 1, Acts 9: The conversion of Saul
Day 2, Acts 16: Paul's Macedonian call and a jailbreak
Day 3, Acts 17: Scenes from Paul's missionary journey
Day 4, Acts 26: Paul tells his life story to a king
Day 5, Acts 27: Shipwreck on the way to Rome
Day 6, Acts 28: Paul's arrival in Rome
Day 7, Romans 3: Paul's theology in a nutshell
Day 8, Romans 7: Struggle with sin
Day 9, Romans 8: Life in the Spirit
Day 10, 1 Corinthians 13: Paul's description of love
Day 11, 1 Corinthians 15: Thoughts on the afterlife
Day 12, Galatians 5: Freedom in Christ
Day 13, Ephesians 3: Paul's summary of his mission
Day 2, Acts 16: Paul's Macedonian call and a jailbreak
Day 3, Acts 17: Scenes from Paul's missionary journey
Day 4, Acts 26: Paul tells his life story to a king
Day 5, Acts 27: Shipwreck on the way to Rome
Day 6, Acts 28: Paul's arrival in Rome
Day 7, Romans 3: Paul's theology in a nutshell
Day 8, Romans 7: Struggle with sin
Day 9, Romans 8: Life in the Spirit
Day 10, 1 Corinthians 13: Paul's description of love
Day 11, 1 Corinthians 15: Thoughts on the afterlife
Day 12, Galatians 5: Freedom in Christ
Day 13, Ephesians 3: Paul's summary of his mission
Day 14, Philippians 2: Imitating Christ
Here are some resources for starting your own SOAP Devotional Journal if you're interested.
Sample SOAP Journal entryZondervan Bible Reading Plans
ttyl,
~Kallista~
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Who am I crying out to?
Welcome readers,
I'm Kallista, and this blog is dedicated to my spiritual journey. I am a Christian and I am seeking to serve God with my whole heart. And I have stumbled much along the way, even recently, and want to find my way back to him---
So this blog will have testimonies, posts about spiritual books I'm reading, verses I'm memorizing and other tid bits I'm learning in it.
I hope it is an encouragement to you.
Next up:
God Bless,
~Kallista~
I'm Kallista, and this blog is dedicated to my spiritual journey. I am a Christian and I am seeking to serve God with my whole heart. And I have stumbled much along the way, even recently, and want to find my way back to him---
So this blog will have testimonies, posts about spiritual books I'm reading, verses I'm memorizing and other tid bits I'm learning in it.
I hope it is an encouragement to you.
Next up:
- Thoughts on the books I'm currently reading: 1) Strength in Weakness by Andrew Cominskey 2) A Jewel in His Crown by Priscilla Shirer
- Verses I'm memorizing
- whatever other randomness I can think of
God Bless,
~Kallista~
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