Soap Entry 1: Acts 9

SOAP Journal Entry 1
Acts 9- The Conversion of Saul

Scripture: Verse 13-16
"Lord," Ananias answered, "I have heard many reports about this man and all the harm he has done to your saints in Jerusalem. And he has come here with authority from the chief priests to arrest all who call on your name." But the Lord said to Ananias, "Go! This man is my chosen instrument to carry my name before the Gentiles and their kings and before the people of Israel. I will show him how much he must suffer for my name."


Observation:
I have read the story of Saul/Paul so many times since I was little, but never has this story felt like it applied to me. But as I am reading about Saul, and how he was someone who did things completely against God, I am hit by how God still wanted to use him. In many ways I am not like Saul. I did not persecute Christians. And I have definitely never killed any Christians.

But I have, especially lately, given Christians a bad name. I have walked under the title of Christian, but my lifestyle has been everything but. I have done things I am ashamed of and I know these things are not an example of what a person who is following Christ Jesus would do. So in that way, I am just like Saul. I did things that were completely against Christ.  But still, for some reason I know I will never completely understand, God still wants to know me and even use me.

I also feel like I can relate to Ananias. I have heard God telling me to do things many times, and just did not want to follow it. Thinking it was not the right plan for my life. And during those occasions, I did not obey what God told me to do. But I don't want to be like that. I want to follow in Ananias' example and hear God's voice AND obey what he tells me to do.

Application:
Saul gave me a very real example of someone repenting. He made a complete 180 degree turn in his life. He turned from being against Christians to being a Christian. He went from hating Christ to loving Christ. I feel I can do that too. I can turn from my lifestyle of pleasing myself and doing what I want to truly loving and following God in every aspect of my life. Right now my biggest struggles are in my relationships and dealing with my future (as far as what my career should be, especially if it is not what I planned).

Prayer:
Father, I just really thank you for not letting me read this passage again for the millionth time and not getting  anything out of it. I thank you for helping me to see myself in Saul: my sinful, disobedient self and seeing how just like Saul, I can make a complete turn around and even be someone who does great things in your name. I pray that you will teach me to love you unconditionally. That you will help to get to know you on a real and intimate level. And I pray for you to show me any other areas of my life where I am putting myself before you, so that I can make the necessary changes.
In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

~Kallista~